


Somebody Take Their Phones Away Please

by Shleapord



Series: Social Media Verse [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Random Updates, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Twitter, a little bit of trivia, as a treat, flash is nice because bully flash is boring and im over it, i would like to note that this fic starts around chapter 20ish of the other work in this series, there was a redemption im just not writing it, you dont need to read that to get this one but if youre curious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shleapord/pseuds/Shleapord
Summary: Binky @bornesIve been listening to fergalicious over and over again and it wont get out of my head and i think ive seen godCommander @canadaWhats she likeBinky @bornesSexy trumpCommander @canadaHell yeahyou know the drill. the avengers and co. on twitter
Relationships: Everybody & Everybody, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Academic Decathlon Team (Spider-Man: Homecoming), Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Social Media Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742806
Comments: 33
Kudos: 263





	1. isnt panama a country??

Peter man @parkour  
Monopoly if when one person owns all the things and mono means one and poly means all/many

I am @iron man  
Oh no. this changes everything

Nedward @GITC  
My family is in my bedroom arguing about crayon names

Peter man @parkour  
I know im not there there but tell your sister that cornflower is in no way blue and i’ll fight her about it

falcon @on your above  
Bucky, to t’challa: i know you're not a furry but-

What are those @wakanda nonsense  
Im both proud that he knows what a furry is and disappointed that he thinks my brother isnt one

Commander @canada  
I figured out how to get rid of crime completely

I am @iron man  
Please tell

Commander @canada  
Get rid of the law

Peter man @parkour  
YES

Mattthew @murdock  
No

Peter man @parkour  
Okay consider

Peter man @parkour  
gray= diet black

marshmallow @jabber  
Peter go to sleep

Peter man @parkour  
Im a genius

Peter man @parkour  
I have a strong urge to adopt a bunch of children right now

Sunflower @whos morales  
Hello

Peter man @parkour  
You

Peter man @parkour  
Brain: oh. So this thing? It makes me make serotonin?? Hmmmm yeah no lets HULK SMASH and break down and cry on the floor for an hour. Thats much better

I am @iron man  
Same but are you okay

Peter man @parkour  
Do i sound okay

I am @iron man  
@avengers movie night

Abe @not the president  
I just put on my contacts instead of glasses for the first time in 2 weeks and holy shit

Abe @not the president  
L i n e s

Nedward @GITC  
Scramble my brains like an egyptian sugar daddy would

Marshmallow @jabber  
Why are you like this

Peter man @parkour  
I think im sleep deprived

What are those @wakandanonsense  
Peter are you okay

Peter man @parkour  
I havent been since the war

What are those @wakandanonsense  
Which one

Peter man @parkour  
The crusades

Magic hands @redmagic  
I think hes been possessed by the ghost of his past life

What are those @wakanda nonsense  
Peter dont become a peasant boy with the plauge

Peter man @parkour  
I already am

Peter man @parkour  
Brain: i am begging you stop-  
Me, opening a 94,000 word fic at 2 am: fool. Nobody can stop me not even me

Nedward @GITC  
Are you okay peter

Peter man @parkour  
Youre awake too

Flash @dash  
I honestly thought at the beginning of this quarantine i would be thriving but now im barely surviving

Flash @dash  
Oh haha that rhymed

Flash @dash  
Help

Peter man @parkour  
“2020 is punishment for Africa by toto being a hit song”- a quote from mr stark

What are those @wakandanonsense  
IT IS NOT

Marshmallow @jabber  
Hes not wrong

What are those @wakandanonsense  
YES HE IS

Cindyella @moonmoon  
Sometimes self care is doing a spa day and other times self-care is eating a hot pocket at 3 in the morning

Flash @dash  
Preach 

Binky @bornes  
Ive been listening to fergalicious over and over again and it wont get out of my head and i think ive seen god

Commander @canada  
Whats she like

Binky @bornes  
Sexy trump

Commander @canada  
Hell yeah

Falcon @on your above  
Nice

I am @iron man  
Peter just sent me a picture. A picture of him. A picture of him eating a banana. A picture of him eating a banana like a capri sun. a picture of him eating a banana through a straw he shoved in the side.

Peter man @parkour  
And what about it

Nedward @GITC  
Twitter is what happens when all of the people from the youtube comments section all decided they hated each other

Nedward @GITC  
decide*

Nedward @GITC  
hate*

Marshmallow @jabber  
Felt that

Marshmallow @jabber  
Why commit murder if you can do arson first

Nedward @GITC  
Youre right but i need the payment before i run of to panama after i commit arson

Peter man @parkour  
Isnt that the country

Marshmallow @jabber  
What

Peter man @parkour  
Panama

Peter man @parkour  
The canal

Nedward @GITC  
What

Peter man @parkour  
Im losing it isnt panama a country?????

Marshmallow @jabber  
Yes?

Peter man @parkour  
OH THANK GOD

Nedward @GITC  
How long have you been awake

Peter man @parkour  
Time is a construct

Nedward @GITC  
@iron man

Peter man @parkout  
DUDE??

Peter man @parkour  
Do you ever wonder if the person youre sitting by or walking by is a murderer

Falcon @on your above  
@bornes

Binky @bornes  
i said sorry what more do you want from me

Magic hands @red magic  
@parkour What makes you ask that?

Peter man @parkour  
Ive made a whole conspiracy on how mr harrington is a murderer

Nedward @GITC  
Oh my god peter no


	2. Is it Delivery or digiorno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander @canada  
> We should delete america
> 
> Falcon @onyourabove  
> Steve please stop
> 
> What are those @wakandanonsense  
> No let him finish

What are those @wakandanonsense  
Whats blue and smells like red paint

What are those @wakandanonsense  
Blue paint

Furry @neverfreeze  
I am going to disown you

Peter man @parkour  
Snack time!!

I am @ironman  
Oh thank god you need to eat

Peter man @parkour  
[image: silica gel packet]

Commander @canada  
NO

Peter man @parkour  
I have two!

Falcon @onyourabove  
DO NOT EAT IT SAYS RIGHT THERE ON THE PACKAGING

Peter man @parkour  
[image: two silica gel packets]

Nedward @GITC  
YES

I am @ironman  
N O

Nedward @GITC  
WE DONT FOLLOW RULES

Peter man @parkour  
YESS

I am @ironman  
[image: screaming “no” meme]

Milk @jake  
Guess who just thought there were 52 states

What are those @wakandanonsense  
Shut up shut up

Binky @bornes  
Which?? two?? were added??

What are those @wakandanonsense  
SHUT UP SHUT UP

Milk @jake  
Dc and puerto rico

What are those @wakandanonsense  
WHY IS YOUR CAPITOL NOT A STATE ITS SO STUPID

Commander @canada  
We should delete america

Falcon @onyourabove  
Steve please stop

What are those @wakandanonsense  
No let him finish

Peter man @parkour  
Us in january: its a new decade! New decade i hope it’ll be better then the last one lol but that cant happen because last one sucked

Peter man @parkour  
2020: bitch

Nedward @GITC  
2020 needs to get her shit together before i get it together for her

Nedward @GITC  
*Watching movie where dog saves family from fire*  
Mom, to our dog: Jake, would you save- oh no i scared him by saying his name too loud

Flash @dash  
Same

Ant man @manant  
I just freaked out because i put my headphones on backward and i thought the sound would be backward

Ant man @manant  
The sound was not backward if yall are curious

Milk @jake  
Replace protein powder with caffeine and drugs

Peter man @parkour  
Meth

Milk @jake  
Thats the spirit

Nedward @GITC  
Peter please dont do meth i dont want to have to kill another

Peter man @parkour  
Another what

Nedward @GITC  
*shushing emoji*

Peter man @parkour  
I’ll do crack but another what

Peter man @parkour  
Ned another what

Hawkeye @birbman  
If you ordered a digiorno pizza through online grocery delivery is it delivery or digiorno

Better hawkeye @katekate  
Yes

Peter man @parkour  
Sweet dreams are made of bees

Peter man @parkour  
Who am i do

Peter man @parkour  
*to

Peter man @parkour  
Disabee

Peter man @parkour  
Travel the world and the seven bees

Nedward @GITC  
Peter you are a god

Flash @dash  
Peter wtf

What are those @wakandanonsense  
So if its alvin and the chipmunks is that implying alvin isnt a chipmunk

Milk @jake  
Nah its just that alvins chilling with the lesser squad members so they dont get their names in the title

Peter man @parkour  
Theodore and simon have more personality than alvin they deserve their own movie

I am @ironman  
Hey did yall know corn is a veggie a whole grain AND a fruit

Hawkeye @birbman  
So if you mixed corn avocado and tomato you would have a fruit salad

Dont be suspicious @SPYder  
With grain and veggies

Magic hands @redmagic  
Because classification systems work great

Peter man @parkour  
Is a coconut a mammal

What are those @wakandanonsense  
BEHOLD a man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please please comment comments give me life


	3. Oh hey i got karl marx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moo @juice  
> Might fuck around and lay on the forest floor until i get eaten by fungi
> 
> Peter man @parkour  
> The way things are going right now thats not the worst idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probably should have mentioned this before but disclaimer i dont have twitter everything i know about it is from reading twitter fics and listening to my friends rant about it

Biderman @spooderman  
Necks make me uncomfortable

Fan man @spideyfan  
Uhhh?? Spiderman are you okay?

Biderman @spooderman  
…

Biderman @spooderman  
Wrong account :’)

I am @iron man  
Good job kiddo

Alyssa @queensis  
Is he okay? Is he on pain meds or something?

What are those @wakandanonsense  
No spidey just b like that

Biderman @spooderman  
Necks though

Biderman @spooderman  
They just SIT there

Biderman @spooderman  
They lump

What are those @wakandanonsense  
You make a good point. Lets remove all the necks

Peter man @parkour

[what kind of worm are you](https://uquiz.com/quiz/bEfIkn?p=360398)Ive been taking wayyyyy too many uquizzes

Peter man @parkour  
Btw im a ship worm

Nedward @GITC  
Googled ship worm

Nedward @GITC  
Am traumatized

Moo @juice  
That looks like an alien

Peter man @parkour  
I found another quiz hold up :D

Binky @bornes  
The happy face makes me nervous

Peter man @parkour  
[which communist were you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

I am @ironman  
PETER NO

Commander @canada  
Oh hey i got karl marx

Commander @canada  
Who’s he?

Binky @bornes  
DONT GOOGLE IT

Falcon @onyourabove  
Oh my GOD

Moo @juice  
[image: those eye mask things with the orbeez inside that you freeze]  
Why are these not called eyes packs

Moo @juice  
Sounds like ice, descriptive

Flash @dash  
This made me remember that i learned that if i was in sub zero temperatures my eyeballs would not freeze

Flash @dash  
Which is good

Matthew @murdock  
Why is that good? Is having sight better than not having sight? Do you appreciate what you have? Wouldn’t you like to have to always dictate what you want to say to your phone questionmark send send send SEND ALREADY

Peter man @parkour  
Hm

I am @ironman  
I am in the lab with peter and this is his hour to pick the music

I am @ironman  
We have listened to old town roads

I am @ironman  
FOUR TIMES

I am @ironman  
Im losing it

Peter man @parkour  
Mr stank its a bop

What are those @wakandanonsense  
The group chat: *casually talking about drugs being sold from ice cream trucks, as you do*

What are those @wakandanonsense  
Somebody: oh yeah ive been kidnapped

What are those @wakandanonsense  
Btw, im live tweeting. He hasnt told the story yet

What are those @wakandanonsense  
[image: screenshot of groupchat  
Nedward: ive been almost kidnapped!! It was the boring kind though  
Shuri: OHHH??????  
Wanda: go on  
MJ: WHAT]

WHAT?????

What are those @wakandanonsense  
[image: screenshot of groupchat  
Nedward: kinda boring just that my dad wouldnt take me home sometimes  
Mj: oh fun  
Peter: i almost got kidnapped by a stranger!!  
Wanda: o h]

Im?????

What are those @wakandanonsense  
[image: screenshot of groupchat  
Wanda: now THATS the fun exciting kind  
Peter: i didnt even notice  
Nedward: i did!!  
Mj: peter,,,,  
Mj: NO GETTING KIDNAPPED]

Ned knows?????

Flash @dash  
More exciting than the most intense game of jenga

What are those @wakandanonsense  
[image: screenshot of groupchat  
Peter: was chilling with ned when we were like,, 11? Ned grabs me and pulls me really hard and i was v confused and he was like there was somebody coming up right behind you abt to grab you  
Peter: anyways saved by the power of friendship  
Shuri: oh my GOD  
Mj: nice one ned  
Wanda: the only true superhero  
Nedward: *bows*]

WHATS UP WITH AMERICA

Flash @dash  
What a tale

What are those @wakandanonsense  
WAIT THERES MORE

What are those @wakandanonsense  
[image: screenshot of a groupchat  
Mj: the only kidnapping ive had was at camp when i was 13 and i was nabbed by the older kids at 3 am, blindfolded, hands tied, and i had to do an obstacle course, jump over a fire drink something gross and they cut some of my hair and burned it  
Wanda: OH  
Ned: wHAT]

ARE YOU PEOPLE OKAY

Moo @juice  
Okay TECHNICALLY that was some sort of tradition at the camp i was at

Moo @juice  
And i get to be the kidnapper this year

Moo @juice  
Hypothetically, of course. Because i would never do that.

Peter man @parkour  
*eyes emoji*

Nedward @GITC  
*eyes emoji*

Commander @canada  
Stomach acid can dissolve metal but mine cant tolerate bread without agony

Binky @bornes  
*couldnt

Commander @canada  
Oh right

Commander @canada  
Off to eat bread

Falcon @onyourabove  
Poetic

Moo @juice  
Might fuck around and lay on the forest floor until i get eaten by fungi

Peter man @parkour  
The way things are going right now thats not the worst idea

Flash @dash  
Do you think the school would believe me if i told them i have premature greys from stress

Flash @dash  
Because my hair is bright grey from not dyeing it correctly

Moo @juice  
Call it age discrimination and sue

Moo @juice  
Then you get money and the school has to be cool with it

Nedward @GITC  
Before watching tiktok i never realized the amount of dystopian books we read in school

Moo @juice  
All of them were dystopian or surviving alone books like wow

Peter man @parkour  
They really were preparing us for the apocalypse

Peter man @parkour  
Heck

I am @ironman  
?

Peter man @parkour  
Just had to get that off my chest

Moo @juice  
Valid

Dont be suspicious @SPYder  
People who use guns are pussies. I just throw bullets really fast

Hawkeye @birbman  
Finally, an explanation

I am @ironman  
The tooth doctor electrocuted my mouth

Country roads @platypus  
Please elaborate

I am @ironman  
The tooth doctor electrocuted my mouth

Falcon @onyourabove  
Song currently stuck in your head go

Commander @canada  
Can you feel the love tonight

Binky @bornes  
The tequilla song

Peter man @parkour  
I would like to know whos idea it was to make soaps smell this good

Peter man @parkour  
Im about to eat this soap

Magic hands @redmagic  
Munch munch

Binky @bornes  
Eat it

Nedward @GITC  
I soap you like it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the which communist were you quiz does exist, and i did get karl marx so  
> support black lives matter or i'll dissolve your kneecaps in acid :)  
> donate if you can and if you cant then sign petitions or protest  
> thanks for reading!!! please please comment it gives me life


	4. heeeeeeey yall

Hey yall. I know its been over a month since I last posted and I just wanted to tell yall that this fic is completed. I had a ton of fun writing it but a few weeks ago my interest in the MCU really nosedived and I'm just not into it anymore. I might write more for the fandom, or add onto this if I feel like it, but for now it's done. Thank you so much to everybody who commented and gave kudos, I love you all <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im copy-pasting this message into the other fic in this series, no need to read both


End file.
